I am a survivor, you too can be one. Tuesday, November 27, 2012 • 10:27 PM • 0 comments
I remembered when I was at standard 5. I have that somekind of 'sakit' . I don't know what is it or why is it. But its hurts. I never told my mom. Never. She never asked too :) Its not her fault though, She just don't know .. like everyone else.
At last , I told my mom in the end of my standard 6. Its unbearable in that time. It hurts so bad till sometimes I just want to go . My mom brought me to a doctor, or at least thats what I thought. She is nice. It never get better actually but I didn't told my mom about that too. How can you suppose to tell your mom that all of those medicines are ain't not workin' after she spend so much money in it? . Tell me how.
In form 1 , It became worse and worse after day. I cried and cried and there were times I screamed. That much hurt ya know? . I remembered when my mom entered my room and she watched me there in that bed, screaming and tears streaming down my face. It came all of sudden. I just can't predict when.
In form 2 , The ache became soothes. I don't really felt it. I can handle it. I tried my best to not to think too much . With Iwan came around, I don't remember being so pain.
This year, that thing came back. With studies and PMR just around the corner , I can't be weak. I have to be STRONG. I just have to. I want a normal life but it doesn't go that way. It just Allah's secrets , nobody knows more than Him. So , I tried my best being a normal teenager. My friends have actually knew about that. Thank God, they didn't ask much. Coz honestly, I have no idea too.
But there is 1 thing that they ask and eagerlywant to know.
HOW CAN I SURVIVE?
I am survivor thats what I said :) The really thing was, its not like what I want or whatever. I just have to get through it. With supported friends and family. I have not much problem coping with my illness. Sometimes my parents do went to school brought some pills - painkillers to be exact. I thanked them the most.
Yes. I have reached that stage where I can proudly said,
YES IT HURTS BUT YOU KNOW WHAT? I AIN'T CARE A BIT . THEY MAY BROKE ME DOWN AT FIRST BUT NOT NOW OR TODAY. IF YOU DIDN'T BE STRONG, YOU'LL DIE. AND I DON'T WANT TO GO. ITS NOT MY TIME.. JUST YET..
I KNOW ALLAH MADE THIS FOR THE BETTER. I JUST DON'T KNOW WHAT.
SO GUYS, IF YOU ARE A BROKEN HEARTED GIRL/GUY OR SOMEBODY WHO HAVE UNKNOWN ILLNESS LIKE ME OR ARE YOU HAVING ANY PROBLEMS,
REMEMBER , ALLAH DID THESE FOR REASONS. YOU CAN COPE WITH THAT. ALLAH KNEW THAT. YOU KNEW THAT TOO.
P/s : I didn't made this post to have your attention.
I have kept these secrets too long and kept these scars too deep.
It have reached the time , I just have to let them go.
I hope you get the benefits not be so pity on me
I am fine, no .. I AM GOOD :)
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